Stop Talking and Listen to Yourself!



This book clarifies how automatic most of our talk is. Using a simple version of our mental processes I show how we easily get along with others but also how things fall apart when we’re threatened. Mostly, we don’t think before we talk. Our talk flows naturally from our adaptive unconscious as it responds to whatever situation we are in. It is drives our talk. To illustrate its power I represent it using the metaphor of the 5-ton working Elephant. Its 110 pound Rider represents our conscious mind. I also summarize all of our talk into three basic forms: CONNECT, CONTROL and DIALOGUE talk. The first two forms demonstrate how we talk to draw people closer to us or dominate them using our adaptive unconscious minds. The third form, shows the reader how to “wake up” their conscious mind in difficult situations and speak in order to repair communication disasters.